Moving to a New City by Yourself
You can do anything you want with a teaspoon of bravery and a cup of delusion.
I’ve done it more times than I care to remember. I’ve packed up my suitcase on a one-way ticket or packed up my car and hit the road. I did it all by myself too, so if you’re looking to move to another city and need a little bit of advice, I’m your girl. I’m going to start with the things I wish I did differently and I’m going to start with my first major move after college- New York to Honolulu. So many save up for years, dreaming of a trip to Hawaii and I’m so blessed I was able to go so young. I don’t like living life with regrets so I’m not even going to refer to these things as mistakes, just something I’d probably do differently now knowing what I know.
Where to Go?
I’m from New York. I grew up about 30 minutes north of New York City in a small town in Westchester County. I moved to Hawaii, back to New York, back to Hawaii, back to New York, then to Las Vegas, then Los Angeles, back to New York and now I live in hostels full-time. I consider myself an accidental professional at moving to new places on my own. Even when I lived in Hawaii, I moved 4 times while living on the island. Even now, while I float around hostels and seasonal jobs, I do question where I would like to be in a few years. I wonder where I’ll wind up and where I may raise my children one day. In the meantime, there are questions that I ask myself whenever I move to a new place & if you are struggling on deciding where to go, these might help you too!
1. Geographically, what do you need? I love hiking & know that mountains have to be close by to fuel my exercise & happiness. I also realized when I moved to Vegas that I desperately needed to live near the ocean, maybe even more than mountains (probably why I only lasted 9 days in the desert). Hawaii was perfect but very far away from home and that can get very, very, expensive to fly back and forth. So ask yourself, what does your dream location look like? Keep in mind, no place will check all your boxes but start your search by allowing yourself the space to dream.
2. Money makes the world go around… Take it from someone who has lived in some of the most expensive places in the US, living outside of your means is an unsustainable and stressful way to be. Unfortunately the places that tick my boxe are all quite expensive but there are ways around it! It’s all about what you’re willing to give up. For example, I lived in a relatively safe neighborhood that was a little more expensive than other places in LA, but I was about an hour from the ocean. In Hawaii, I was a 20 minute walk from a beautiful white sand beach, but it wasn’t the safest place to walk around at night. A great piece of advice I got recently was “pick your hard.” Pick what you’re willing to live with and go from there!
3. On the topic of money, I would recommend looking for (and securing) a job before moving somewhere. I moved to Las Vegas with a resume jam packed with serving experience and I couldn’t find a job as a waitress. A waitress. Every “no” to my applications pushed me further and further back until I was pushed up against a wall and had to make a choice- stay or go. I only had a few thousand so my next move had to be a good one. The stars aligned and luck was on my side when I moved to LA, but I never ever want to land myself in a position like that ever again. Money isn’t everything but it is a necessity. I’ll sit around and appreciate the world, I’ll rot on the beach in the blaring sun, I’ll hike till my legs shake but not amount of living & loving will pay your bills. Depending on the city, I’d recommend having at least $4,000 saved up! (For reference, I spent about $5,000 moving to Hawaii between flight, bags, security deposit, first months rent, furnishing, etc…)
Finding an Apartment
If this new city is a place that’s far away or you’ve never been before, it is going to be very difficult to find an apartment online. It’s just the truth. The housing market whether you’re renting or buying is so expensive and with scams being all too common it can be very nerve racking. I didn’t do this, but I am going to say… never ever send money to someone online that you don’t know. No matter how “legit” it might look. Even if the apartment is real, you could get there and realize it doesn’t quite match its photos or the neighbors are partied out college students. You might realize the neighborhood isn’t quite what you’re looking for or any number of the plethora of things that can go wrong in the apartment search. I highly recommend visiting an apartment (and the city for that matter) before moving there. You should schedule multiple apartment showings for the few days after you get there and stay in an AirBnb or hotel for six or so days while you figure it out. It’s the cheapest way of doing it while making sure you are getting a good place for yourself.
Moving is hard, there’s no easy way out- especially if you’re by yourself. I moved to Hawaii (twice) and both times did not have an apartment lined up. The first time I moved, I had never been there before and stayed in an AirBnb for 5 weeks. This drained my savings drastically. I only started looking for a new place about a week before I moved into it. I find you can relatively easily find apartments (especially with short term leases) on FaceBook groups and Craigslist. I moved to Vegas with an apartment lined up and honestly it was gorgeous… but I’d never been to Las Vegas before and I knew I’d be unhappy there so I lost my security deposit moving out just 9 days into living there. Learn from my mistakes… visit first!
If you can’t visit or even see an apartment before moving there, always make sure to ask for a video or facetime tour. Ask about the neighbors, how many people live in the building, if there’s quiet hours, ask about the landlord, utilities, public transportation/ parking, and definitely make sure to ask about the roommate too! For example, if they are morning or night people, if they have a significant other that sleeps over or comes over often, what they work at, etc. And of course, when the time comes, make sure you read that lease agreement top to bottom, inside and out. If there’s anything that looks off- ask! Don’t be scared to ask questions, it's totally normal.
Finding New Friends
New somewhere? Don’t know anyone? I’ve been there. Many times. Obviously if you’re working, mingling with your coworkers if a perfect place to start. If you haven’t found a job or aren’t quite clicking with your coworkers, I have other suggestions too! My therapist once described my anxiety disorder as “devastatingly crippling.” If I can do it, you can too!
My first (& favorite) recommendation is through bumble BFF. I didn’t even know this existed but once I found out, I was unstoppable. I would go on bumble “dates” 4 times a week. We’d organize picnics and parties and group events, because everyone on that app is on there for the same reason. They’re also looking for friends. You’re all in the same boat, there’s no reason to drown. You won’t vibe with everyone but it’s a great place to start. Even if you make one friend it’s worth it! I went on a bumble date and she told me about this Halloween party. At the party I met a girl who lived in Palolo Valley and talked about how much she loved it… guess where I moved a few months later? Through that same friend I met another girl who I also didn’t really click with but hung out with here and there… because we hung out I met her roommate who ended up becoming one of my best friends! You never know who will introduce you to who, keep an open mind and an open heart and the friends will come to you!
A great piece of advice I got (which may seem obvious) is that you won’t meet people from your apartment. It’s true, you won’t. Take a yoga class, go to a pottery studio… try new things and attract the energy you put out there! Become a regular somewhere and allow people to come to you! Go out to a bar by yourself, even if no one talks to you, just by putting yourself out there you’ll begin to get to know your surroundings better! Maybe no patron will talk to you but who knows, the bartender could become your best friend. Just start going places, no one is judging you or looking at you for being alone. Pinky promise <3
Finding a Job
My least favorite part. Apply online a thousand times you still may not get anything. I applied for over 300 jobs in less than a month & only heard back from 10. TEN. But guess what? I was annoyed, but not discouraged. You don’t even need 10 job offers, you really only need one. You only need one job. One person to say yes. As someone who is currently underemployed I don’t have a ton of advice in this part, but don’t get discouraged and don’t be scared to take a job out of your comfort zone!
I do have one piece of advice though- I went on a job interview in LA and it was where I ended up working for several months… the hiring manager later told me she almost didn’t contact me because my resume said New York.. don’t forget to change the location on your resume!
Finding Yourself
If you’re a young person like myself who is interested in just completely starting over in a new city, save your money as much as you think you’ll need… then it really is just as easy as buying the ticket. Everything else falls into place with determination and a lot of hard work. You just have to be brave enough to think you can and you will.
Don’t get too caught up in the logistics of the move. Moving is stressful, there's no avoiding it, you just have to ask yourself if a few days of stress is worth your dream life :) No one just has it all, you have to put the work in, but it will be worth it and guess what? If you get there and try (& I mean really give it a good try), you’re only a flight away from home. You’re only a phone call away from your support system. You can always change your mind or go somewhere else. Make the most of the oyster we call this world because it belongs to you! You will be okay.
