A Little Guide to Feelin Better

I found myself this morning in a new country. It was lashing rain and freezing cold. I looked around and realized all I had to my name were cancelled plans, unemployment, no car, and no one. Of course, my body didn’t just teleport me there. I didn’t wake up in a nightmare with no clue what had happened. I knew exactly how I ended up in Dublin this morning. It was a series of my own decision making. I’m not mad about it, I’m happy enough to be here, just bored, and boredom leaves room for some truly intense overthinking.

See, for the last several days, I’ve been seeking way to fill my hours, doom scrolling, and having some pretty heavy “what the F did I just do?” thoughts about my most recent move. People I thought I would see when I got here have been… flakey at best. I didn’t expect much but I didn’t expect this. I thought my days would be filled with friends and hikes, but instead I find myself riddled with my own thoughts and extremely rainy weather. I looked down at my phone and I saw Skyscanner- tickets to the Philippines only $500. I own $500. In fact I own far more than $500, but as someone who wrote a book about feeling rootless, I need to give this place more of a chance… right?

I often think about cutting my losses. After all, I did that in college when I didn’t like my first school and then I got into my dream school! I never would’ve gotten in if I hadn’t been brave enough to leave. I cut my losses again in Hawaii when I realized the city life wasn’t for me and moved to the North Shore. When that didn’t work out I left again and moved to the valley. When I moved to Las Vegas, I dipped on my brand new apartment after only 10 days and moved to Los Angeles. I didn’t want to invest my time into making something work when I could just leave and try something else instead. Now, there’s a lot of different ways to categorize this though. I could look at it as brave, courageous enough to go after what I want and admit when something isn’t right for me. I could look at it as foolish, why do I keep making the wrong choice? I could say that I’m a failure, and look at all of these moves as mishaps or I could look at them as lessons. So how do I know which way to frame it in my mind?

Over my morning coffee as I began to think it over, I realized that I’ve been going back and forth with how to process the last 5 years of my life and none of these frameworks are correct. There’s only one way to account for all of these choices: I’m human. I am a girl who had some very unpleasant things happen in her late teens and early twenties that was determined as hell to create a good life for herself and leave all the negativity in the past without processing it (hence why I’ve been hopping around the world like the Pixar logo with no money or plan for my life). It doesn’t matter how I frame it because it’s in the past. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes I’ve made in my life so long as I don’t repeat them.

I realized all of this at about 11 this morning. Now what? I’ve had all of these realizations and nothing to do with them. It doesn’t change the fact that today, right now, I have no job, no working papers in this country, and nothing to do. All of these realizations don’t change the fact that I’m bouncing off the walls of this home in boredom. So, I decided to write this out and make a little list of all the things I do to get me out of a rut when I find myself in one.

I find myself this way often, so trust these are tried and true.

1. One coffee. (Caffeinated anyway)

No limit on coffee I suppose, just limited the caffeine. It helps when I’m feeling like I’m excessively restless to not be jittery with caffeine on top of it all. Besides, caffeine only adds to anxiety.

2. My Favorite Things

As Julie Andrews once sang, “I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad.” I literally write down a list of what I love and try to remember the things in life that make me happy.

3. 3/3/3 Rule

I write down 3 things I must get done today. For me, these are simple. Today I went to the grocery store, put my laundry in the dryer, and emptied the dishwasher. The next 3 in this rule is 3 goals I want to get done by the end of this year. My 3 goals are signing up for a yoga retreat in December, finishing my journal, and finding my own apartment. They are realistic goals that won’t overwhelm me, but more so give me something to work towards. The last 3 is a simple sentence about where I see myself 3 years from now. I get so stuck in the past sometimes that I like to remind myself that I have time to do what I’d like to do. One day I will be 28 and I hope to be content <3

4. meals!!!

Three meals a day on sad days, being nourished is always important but when the overthinking starts to weigh heavily, it’s good to break up the day with meals.

5. TV

No shame in admitting this one. The TV will be on ALL DAY on days like today. It helps me to block out some of the noise that I might be yelling at myself. A little distraction from a heavy day won’t do you any harm.

(My comfort show is Once Upon a Time. It’s SO bad but so good at the same time)

6. Grace.

I used to literally write lists of why I was mad at myself but not anymore. I give myself grace and I write that down several times because as I said above, I am only human. We all are!

7. Phone a Friend

If someone’s around to answer, they might just turn your whole day around. Today I called one of my best friends who lives in Barcelona and she had me laughing like I haven’t laughed in a while. She gave me some good things to look forward to and ideas to get my sparkle back. Lean on your friends who love you when you need a little extra love.